How to behave when we have tried them all and in spite of this our children continue to assume incorrect behaviors?
Each parent then runs into this dilemma first and it is not uncommon for the solution to get out of such impasse is the least advisable one (eg: surrender or exacerbate punishments).
For this reason the site BabyCenter has gathered the opinions of some industry experts for answer ten exemplary questions from ten "desperate" parents.
Here is a summary.
In this article we will talk about:- children arguing
- restless children
- children who brag too much
- procrastinating children
- abusive children
- children who disturb us when we are on the phone
- bambini insolenti
- children who are unable to cooperate
- children resilient to punishment
- babies crying for everything
1 - My son quarrels with his brother
In the first case submitted to the "insiders" a mother complained of the aggressive behavior of her 2-year-old son towards her older brother (4 years). Ultimatum e punishments they did not soothe the child.
What to do? According to experts, separating the two brothers during the fight is a start, but obviously we need to go deeper. The first mistake not to make and continue in distinction "good son", "bad son", because this does nothing but instigate the child's misconduct.
In fact, at that age no child harms with intention, so spanking is not only superfluous, but harmful, because conveys prevarication and aggression.
A gimmick for channel energy of the child, therefore, could be to make sure that the two brothers have a game each - so as to avoid quarrels - or use some pillow or puppet as an anti-stress for the little brother who is a little excited.
2 - Restless daughter
The picture painted by the second mother could be common to many: daughter very active, difficulty concentrating, endless times to get dressed in the morning, no bed or tooth brushing before a nice whim. Are you there?
What to do? The solutions to this problem lie in establishing a collaboration relationship with the child: let's make her participate in the need to get dressed in the morning in good time, perhaps preparing together the necessary the night before or asking her directly how you could get out of the house without too many fuss.
To facilitate the process, it may also be an idea to ask her to draw up a list of the things you need to go to school: at that point the child will feel empowered.
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3 - Brash son
What can be done when our child tells exaggerated stories about him e keep bragging with friends about results never actually obtained?
Criticizing and telling him that his friends will no longer believe him is of little use. Experts advise to empathize and try to reverse the perspective.
What to do? In the example presented by the mother to BabyCenter, the child bragged about being a black belt in karate (obviously false). An answer to such boasts could therefore be:
"Black belt? Wow, that's a great goal. Would you like to get it for real? ».
Behind these attitudes, however, a need for attention could be hidden. Letting your kids know you appreciate them even if they're not perfect (or, in this case, black belt) is a great thing!
4 - Professional Procrastinator
Another great classic: "my son always postpones all his duties and throws a tantrum."
What to do? In these cases it serves firmness and clarity. After having clearly explained to the child the right behavior (eg: if there is something to put in place, it is put in place immediately), we go "on the offensive" by proposing alternatives (eg: games out of their place will come throw yourself in. Better to play and tidy up or lose the toy?).
Being collaborative and empathy also serve for defuse whims. We make the children understand why a certain thing cannot be done without immediately screaming.
5 - Manesco child
Here, too, violence is not fought with violence (ergo: no spanking), What to do? Better isolate the child during the excesses of anger and reserve a corner for him to let off steam and reflect. When he has calmed down, then you can try to reason.
Obviously both parents have to row on the same side: no tolerance when the little one beats someone! (Read also: the chair of reflection, is it useful or not?)
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6 - Son harassing when we are on the phone
For some children, the ringing of the telephone seems to be a call to make a noise and prevent communication.
What to do? If after normal explanations the behavior persists, then the parent can too physically separate from the child when starting a telephone conversation. At first the child will not take it well, but then he will metabolize the short detachment.
Fundamental then teach patience, the learning of which, however, takes time. If the child has something to do while talking on the phone, the process will be easier.
7 - Insolent son
Sometimes too much sincerity passes for insolence, but in any case it is good for every child to learn that we cannot always say everything that goes through our minds.
What to do? If our little one has the habit of replying always and in any case, it is necessary counter blow for blow to any disrespect, always explaining why certain things cannot be said (Ex: "Don't call others stupid. It's really offensive") and inviting the child to rephrase the derogatory sentence with gentler and more constructive tones.
8 - Unable to cooperate
Many children go through that stage where they seem to be acting on purpose the exact opposite of what is required of him, putting himself in the way of every imposition and not missing an opportunity to complicate the life of the parent.
What to do? A solution to the problem could be to empower the child, rewarding him (without exaggeration) for every collaborative attitude.
9 - Resilience to punishment
Our daughter is misbehaving, is punished... And it seems they don't give a damn!
What to do? In these cases it is not necessary to deprive a priori, but to ensure that the child earns what she wants (eg an ice cream) by behaving properly.
No screams, no grim looks. In the face of a prank one must assume an understanding attitude and ask what will be done to remedy.
At the same time, the winning key can turn out to be the praise of every positive action, so that the little one feels appreciated and encouraged to do better and better.
10 - Record crybaby
For some babies, desperate crying is the answer to any uncomfortable situation.
What to do? The paths that a parent can take can then be:
- Ignore weeping with ostentation
- Send the child to the room until he has calmed down (but does not lose control himself) and has not started using a non-whining voice
- Prevent tears picking up the signs and assuming conciliatory attitudes (eg: a warm hug) before clearly explaining that the problems must be solved, and not buried under an interminable whimper.
For further information: how to educate children according to the Montessori method and how to be obeyed without shouting
TAG:
- children education
- advice to parents
- 1-2 children years
