20 tricks to manage tantrums

20 tricks to manage tantrums
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Weeps, screams and desperate cries. Kicks, punches and pinches. The outbursts of children, more known as moods, represent behaviors that are difficult for adults to understand and manage.



How to deal with them? With the help of the experts we have identified the 20 most effective tricks.

20 PHOTOS

“Terrible two”: a small manual for parents to survive the whims

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What is the “Terrible Two” and what can parents do when their baby goes through this stage? We asked Sara Luna, psychologist-psychotherapist and ...



In this article

 



  • Forbidden to scream. The voice must be firm and confident
  • Reward correct behavior. Without exaggerating
  • Treat him like an adult
  • Learn to distinguish between whim and need
  • Don't indulge whims
  • Watch carefully to be able to evaluate behaviors and learn to be patient
  • Do not forget that many dynamics are generated outside the family environment
  • The response to whims must be consistent with the way of educating
  • Try to be more tolerant and understanding when a tantrum arises from hunger or sleep
  • Don't abuse sweets to quell tantrums. They are a double-edged sword
  • Don't give in to petty blackmail
  • Don't give too much room to whim
  • Do not intervene with a punishment when the child demonstrates possessive towards an object
  • Don't indulge whims at the table
  • When the tantrums are out of control, reassure the baby with a hug
  • Take the line of "clear terms" when it comes to material demands
  • Ignore the blatant whim
  • Handle the whim of fear carefully
  • Before you punish or suppress a tantrum, consider that it may be a stress response
  • Don't overdo the rules

Video: How to manage whims according to Daniele Novara

1 - Forbidden to scream. The voice must be firm and confident

It is important to provide children with precise and safe guidance, imparting rules with short and clear sentences accompanied by easily recognizable gestures. This does not mean using your voice screaming but assuming a firm and confident tone, determined, not altered by anger and despair. (Read also, How to calmly handle children's anger)



2 - Reward correct behavior. Without exaggerating

Direct the child towards the correct behavior by rewarding him rather than chastising the wrong behavior. However, be careful not to abuse prizes which, if given too easily, lose their rewarding value.

3 - Treat him like an adult

Many parents make the fundamental mistake of forgetting that even a child, however small he is, is a person with all the complexities that characterize him. And so, if an adult gives himself and other adults mood swings and tantrums that he justifies with fatigue and stress, the same goes for children.

4 - Learn to distinguish between whim and need

Small nuances in the sound of the baby's voice can indicate different needs. Sometimes these are legitimate requests, such as that of food, breast milk, or the need for attention, at other times they may be less important requests.

5 - Do not indulge whims

Whims are not to be indulged because such an attitude can lead to a vicious circle. Often a "non-intervention" in case of unjustified whims can represent a valid response and, at the same time, an educational choice.

6 - Watch carefully to be able to evaluate behaviors and learn to be patient

You need to arm yourself with patience and refine your spirit of observation. Not only will you be able to better solve the whim of the moment, but you will even be able to learn how to prevent bad moods and their degeneration into desperate screams and screams.

7 - Do not forget that many dynamics are generated outside the family environment

In kindergarten or school there can be many reasons for discomfort and difficulties to overcome that can trigger capricious reactions both immediately, at the moment, and later, once back in the family, perhaps under the pretext of a cause in itself absolutely banal, but which conceals other reasons.

8 - The response to whims must be consistent with the way of educating

The choice between ignoring or not ignoring tantrums, responding, trying to explain or scolding, depends on how the parent educates their child. Before even understanding what the right answer to the whim is, therefore, for consistency, it is good that every parent has a clear understanding of the way in which he intends to approach the educational path with his child.

9 - Try to be more tolerant and understanding when a whim occurs due to hunger or sleep

A hungry body, especially in the case of children, is also affected by the need for food on a hormonal level. Lack of sleep and the need for rest also affect emotionality at the hormonal level. The parent will therefore need to be more tolerant and understanding.

10 - Do not abuse sweets to quell tantrums. They are a double-edged sword

Sweets can be a welcome treat when not overused. In fact, if used inappropriately to quell whims, they can be a rather subtle cause of hysterics and dramas of "chemical" origin.

11 - Do not give in to petty blackmail

It is typical of children to be able to grasp the weaknesses of parents, grandparents or anyone who has a strong emotional bond with them. And make the most of it with a well-thought-out whim. If it becomes clear that a very apprehensive mother will give pampering at the slightest complaint, the children will turn into perfect actors whenever they just feel like it, and don't really need it.

12 - Don't give too much space to whim

If the child understands that he can achieve something with a certain behavior, he will tend to repeat that behavior. When the whim becomes a form of control of the child towards the parent it is important not to give too much space to the whim, perhaps spending hours and hours to provide explanations, or to fulfill it whatever it is.

13 - Do not intervene with a punishment when the child proves possessive towards an object

When a child proves too possessive of his favorite puppet or another object he particularly cares about, throwing himself into hysterics when another child takes it away from him to play, he should not be chastised. It is more effective to try to distract his attention from the desired object, perhaps by proposing an equally interesting alternative.

14 - Do not indulge whims at the table

The whim at the table is a true classic that absolutely must not be indulged, on the contrary, it must be punished with the necessary harshness that must never be excessive, to avoid conflicts that are exhausting for both parties and also counterproductive. The best rule is that of "plea bargaining": "eat at least some". But never give alternatives when the "I don't like" is a pretext.

15 - When tantrums are out of control, reassure the baby with a hug

If the child bursts into a kind of hysterics, parents must take into account that the emotional part of the brain is not yet well developed and therefore has lost control. The best attitude is to reassure him with a hug. Read more about temper tantrums.

16 - Adopt the line of "clear agreements" when it comes to material requests

As soon as it is possible to "reason" with the child, adopt the line of "clear agreements", for example, "let's go shopping and I'll buy you only one thing". By doing so you can then work on the tone: if the request arrives well done and not with the tyrannical whim, it is fulfilled. This too becomes education.

17 - Ignore the blatant whim

When the whim is blatant, it is necessary to simplify: the larger and more scenic the whim, the more useless it is to give it weight. Often the best attitude is to ignore it: there is no sense in the performance if no one is watching it.

18 - Carefully manage the whim caused by fear

The whims caused by fear (fear of abandonment when falling asleep, fear of going to kindergarten or school, fear in general every time the child has to leave the parent) are not real whims, but real necessity and therefore must be managed more carefully. The event is dressed up as a whim, but the need it communicates is anything but superficial. Read the insight into whims that express psychological needs.

19 - Before punishing or repressing a tantrum, consider that it could be a stress response

Children through tantrums can ask for help for reasons of stress external to the family context, or on the contrary tensions within the family. If a normally calm and peaceful child suddenly experiences discomfort, even in the form of tantrums, consider these aspects. Read the insight into stress tantrums in and around the home.

20 - Don't overdo the rules

An unbalanced solicitation on the part of the parents can create a short circuit that inevitably leads to whim. Orders, for example: "Do this, don't do that", in the long run lead to nervous and aggressive responses. Play, laughter and cuddling instead stimulate a production of hormones that arouses a state of calm and well-being. Stimulating in an unbalanced way means exceeding in one direction only. A healthy mix of few but strict rules, and lots of beneficial attention is certainly the basis of a calm child and not prone to easy whim.

Also check out the video on how to handle tantrums

8 PHOTOS

Tantrums, sleep, goodbye to the diaper and food: how to manage the critical moments of the baby

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Every day he fusses, he does not eat and does not want to sleep ... but even with the potty he is not so good, especially since his little brother arrived. In the early years of children there are many situations ...

Useful reading on tantrums

Of manuals for parents there is only the embarrassment of choice. And the topic of whims is one of the most popular. To address it from a slightly different point of view, here are some books suggested by the educational psychologist Marchionne:

  • ROBERTA GIUDETTI, MICHELA ECCLI - ALWAYS CAPRICCI? - ERICKSON - This is a very handy booklet of "psychologically correct stories to read with children". Six illustrated stories that address the traditional reasons for whims, that is, going out together, the doctor, the birth of a baby brother, bedtime, kindergarten and the "I don't want !!".
  • ELISABETTA MAUTI - WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME TODAY? STORIES TO HELP CHILDREN TALK ABOUT HIMSELF - ERICKSON - Book similar to the previous one, but designed for even older children
  • ALBERTO PELLAI - RICCIOCAPRICCIO AND BETTA PERFETTA - ERICKSON - Particular, because there is also the CD to listen to including both the story and the advice for parents.

Questions and answers

Is it okay to scream when children have a tantrum? 

When you scold your children you don't need to use your voice screaming, but you need to assume a firm and confident tone, firm, not altered by anger.

Indulge the whims of children, perhaps to make them stop crying: yes or no? 

Whims are not to be indulged because such an attitude can lead to a vicious circle. Often a "non-intervention" can represent a valid response and, at the same time, an educational choice.

Can tantrums be a response to stress? 

Yes. Children through tantrums can ask for help for reasons of stress external to the family context, or on the contrary tensions within the family. If a normally calm and peaceful child suddenly experiences discomfort, consider these aspects.

Updated on 16.04.2022

TAG:
  • moods
  • children education
  • psyche
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