You would like to be calm and rational parents, but instead you happen to lose patience easily and constantly scolding your children? Plus, you feel stressed because of work and you often have the minutes numbered, between daily undertakings and various pressures. Basically, you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Read also: 15 useful tips to be less stressed and nervous parents
What if someone suggests you some tips to stay calm? What if you find that being patient is easier than it sounds? The doctor Carla Naumburg, a parenting expert and reporter for major newspapers such as "New York Times" and "The Washington Post", seems to have found a magic formula to help parents keep patience. Naumburg is, in fact, the author of the book Stop screaming. The revolutionary method to be listened to by children and keep calm (Newton Compton Editori), in which there are numerous tips to deal with the moments of anger and stress that every parent goes through every day.
We interviewed Dr. Naumburg, asking her for practical guidance and suggestions to help parents on the verge of a nervous breakdown to keep quiet.
Carola Naumburg said that the idea for the book came from personal experience. "I was not as calm and patient with my children as I wanted to be, and I worked hard to become a controlled person.
Also, in my professional life, I found myself dealing with many parents who asked for my help, because they couldn't be calm. Therefore, I understood that many fathers and many mothers have this problem: the idea of writing the book was born from this ».
"In the book I wrote that we are a" generation of screamers "because I wanted to highlight two points: firstly, I wanted to make sure my readers knew they weren't alone.
Many parents of this generation are ashamed to think that they are the only ones to lose patience with their children. The truth is, they are by no means the only ones. Indeed, this is an extremely common dynamic in families these days!
Second, I wanted to clarify the fact that while corporal punishment (hitting children) is less common than before, however, the parents still lose their temper and scream accordingly».
READ MORE: Does the child throw tantrums? Screaming is useless
“Parents lose patience when their nervous system is overloaded and they are no longer in control of their emotions. It is important that mothers and fathers understand that it is not a question of willpower, they cannot simply "decide" not to lose their temper.
Rather, it is a neurobiological reaction. When mothers and fathers understand how to reduce the triggers of their nervousness and take care of themselves so that they can remain calm in moments of tension, they will lose less patience with their children ".
“There are several strategies parents can use to stay calm, but the first and most important step is to "listen to yourself". When we understand that we are about to lose patience, we can choose to do something else, such as jumping, taking several deep breaths, singing a song, reciting verses or, in short, anything else.
But if we don't understand that we are going to explode, we can't do anything. The reason it is so hard to notice is that most of us are not in the habit of doing this - that is, we are not used to going back for a few moments and elaborating a little perspective on what is happening to ourselves and ours. children. The more we practice listening to each other, at any time of day, the more likely we will notice when we are about to lose our temper with our children. "
“First, we need to calm down. If we are still angry at the time we try to reconnect with our children, then we will likely lose patience again. This is the opposite of what we want!
Once calm, we can go to our children to apologize for our behavior. Instead, we never need to ask forgiveness for our feelings; no feeling is ever wrong (although some of them may be quite unpleasant). After apologizing for our behavior, we talk to our children about their behavior, whether it was relevant or inappropriate. "
YOU MAY INTEREST: Education, 10 basic things to teach children and teenagers
“When you feel like you're on the verge of exploding, the three steps to take are: 'Warn yourself', 'Go on pause' and 'Literally do more.'
Let me explain better: whenever you notice that you are about to explode, take a break for a moment and then start doing something else. You can:
- recite a prayer or mantra;
- count to ten;
- take several deep breaths;
- listen to a song that makes you happy;
- make a silly and funny sound;
- jump up and down;
- look at a photo of the children portrayed in a calmer and happier time;
- whatever else will reassure you! ».
READ ALSO: Children's self-esteem, eight tips to pass it on to children
SEE ALSO THE PHOTO GALLERY:7 PHOTOS
All parents want their children to grow up realizing their talents and be happy. According to researchers at Harvard University, these goals are achieved ...
- angry parents