Quarrel is not something to be demonized, but on the contrary it can represent an opportunity for comparison and growth, since through it an experience is made available to children. But we must know how to fight well.
Arguing in front of the children it does not in itself represent a problem, but it is necessary to know how to fight, or to find the right times and ways.
For sure, a violent quarrel between parents is to be avoided, as it could really shock the children. However, it should be explained to the child that it can happen to adults to have some quarrels, but that the love of mum and dad remains unchanged for him.
On this issue, we have heard the opinion of the CPP training manager, counselor and trainer.
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"We start from the premise that arguing is always good, it is a good practice of meeting in the couple, and in children it acts as an important protective factor for their development." The problem, therefore, is not the quarrel in front of the children but the use that is made of the quarrel. "If the quarrel is an opportunity for acquaintance and relationship building in the couple, it represents a great opportunity for parents. Arguing in front of children in itself is not a problem if you know how to fight, if an experience is made available to children ". The child must understand that parents can disagree, have different ideas and sometimes get upset. "The caution that parents must have is to know how to use the fight well, aware of the fact that children are spectators of it."
How does a violent fight affect children?
“It has an emotionally strong effect. Children expect protection, in violence there is no protection and children expect to be able to rely on their parents to whom they refer. " Ragusa continues: "Violence is out of place, oversized, and tends to destroy what is instead his object of love. A violent quarrel is inappropriate and contraindicated ”.
Is it possible to fight knowingly?
In the definition "consciously quarrel" we put together two events that are contradictory: the quarrel is a thrust of aggression, while awareness consists in turning off any aggressive attitude. " We are in difficult terrain, but once again the secret lies in learning to fight well. "When between two people there is the need to say something to each other, you have to choose the right moment, find the most appropriate condition, or build a sort of 'set of quarrels'. This is because quarrels have an important value ".
How to manage a couple disagreement in the right way?
“The quarrel is an emotional event, it concerns the bond between me and the other. In order to manage it well it is necessary to enter into this bond and try to communicate to the other that there is a problem, in a simple way ". Communication between the two people can take place in different ways, but time and space must be reserved for this to happen. "Conflict communication must be used, signaling to the other that there is a problem to deal with. This approach protects us, our partner and our children from contentious raids or violence. "
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