We made the notches on the wall to count the days that separated us from the beaches (or from the green valleys) we went with the sales to buy bikinis, sarongs and dresses to revive the passion of the couple and for weeks we have the children's suitcases ready to sail towards the longed-for holidays.
Everything seems perfectly organized, but let's remember that it is not usually the costumes that are too small but a misunderstanding with the partner that could drag along the whole period of well-deserved rest. With the help of the psychologist and psychotherapist Franesca Cenci, author of the book "Two hearts and a family - how to make the couple survive when a child is born" let's see what we can do to defuse any stray mines.
Read also: Cheap holidays with children
Choose a compromise destination right away
To avoid the "I told you, it always rains here", the thing to do a priori is choose a destination that makes sense for all family members: if everyone is comfortable, the couple will have fewer opportunities for discussion.
"The first step to be put in place is to find a right destination, one that is good for everyone, that can be" comfortable ": the well-being of the couple and intimacy can be found again if one is not destroyed by fatigue or stressed by the thousand activities done in a day to keep up with the needs of the little ones. I recommend finding locations that offer leisure opportunities for children and adolescents, such as villages ". If there are dedicated and stimulating spaces for the little ones, even the "adults" will have a moment of peace to look into each other's eyes. It is also fundamental that both she and he put their real desires on the table: “The watchword is to externalize the needs, share them and confront each other: is it one of the first holidays with the child? do we want to go camping anyway? The final destination is not important, which depends on the tastes and attitudes of each couple, the important thing is to leave in agreement on where you are going ".Read also: Holidays with children: better sea or mountains?
Having sensible expectations
Another good way to protect yourself from unnecessary quarrels is to have sensible expectations about the holiday: "If we have a disenchanted and lucid vision of the holidays, we will be able to derive the maximum benefit from it and above all we can avoid being disappointed, frustrated and therefore prone to quarrel" warns Francesca Cenci. After a year of work it is not expected to throw oneself on a sunbed by the sea and remain motionless for 15 days: it is an unreal expectation. But taking walks on the water's edge at sunset with your husband or long sessions of games with marbles on the beach is still a nice way to spend the holidays. From the moment there are gods children traveling with us, we must keep "very flexible, open and soft: it must be taken into account that there can always be unforeseen events, delays and program changes. When you have children, no planning is defined once and for all. If we start with this awareness, we are already sheltering ourselves from avoidable discussions ”.
Read also: Arguing in front of children, 10 things to know
Never take yourself for granted
A fundamental rule (to keep in mind not only on vacation) is that the partner should never be taken for granted: "Life as a couple must always be cultivated and defended, even with the children in tow. Obviously, the more they grow, the easier it is to carve out the space for a candlelit dinner, but you must always pay attention to the other ”. Just put on an elegant dress, give extra attention, surprise with breakfast in bed: “the more beautiful moments there will be as a couple, the less quarrels will arise”.Read also: The 7 typical quarrels of a couple at risk of breaking up
Let's not neglect loneliness
Another trick to avoid the outbursts of anger is to carve out moments of solitude, dedicated only to oneself. “Have moments of decompression it is essential for one's psychophysical well-being ”advises Francesca Cenci. Whether it's a swim, reading a book alone, a regenerating run at sunset or a 10-minute phone call to a friend, it doesn't matter: more relaxation equals less clashes. Defend these spaces for the sake of your relationship.Read also: The rules of the couple (with children) that last
Don't push the limits
Especially when traveling with small children, it is essential to keep some precautions in mind, to avoid situations of tension and stress that inevitably affect the couple. “If the children are small, I always recommend to avoid exhausting car journeys or transoceanic flights. Children are not baggage or trophies to be exhibited, but people to be respected. We must not deprive ourselves of the experiences that we had as a couple before the arrival of the children, but we must necessarily adapt them to their needs ”explains Francesca Cenci. “When traveling, children should be given as many comforts as possible: booklets, music, the transactional object”. If the children take a peaceful trip, the friction between mom and dad is significantly reduced.Read also: How to rekindle the passion in the couple
Prevention is better
It is known that mothers tend to be more "provident" than fathers: to face small emergencies and be always ready, thus unhinging other possible fronts of dispute, the ideal is "to always have a small emergency bag with you, with a thermometer inside , tachipirina and the like: these are the most banal measures, but having them on the stock exchange is always reassuring ".Read also: Learn body language
For those with adolescent children, the reasons for a couple quarrel could be many: "If they ask to go to a place where they know they will find activities that are interesting for them, or to take a friend with them on vacation, where possible we try to indulge them: I in these cases I advise to take into account the desires of the children, it is right and correct to put them in front of those of the parents, obviously within the limits of what is possible and of mutual respect. Taking an angry teenager on vacation for 10 days would inevitably trigger quarrels between the parents, as well as with the child ”concludes Francesca Cenci.
- family vacations
- family quarrels
- 1-2 children years