You remember yours first crush serious? The one that made you discover love, made up of phone calls - perhaps going from the landline and the risk of your father answering - excuses to meet, notes and memories kept in the diary?
If you have teenage children, sooner or later you will experience all these emotions through their eyes (and the lenses of normal parental jealousy and apprehension). Now that summer arrives and we are all excited to organize ours holidays, even the boys are no less: perhaps someone will agree to spend part of the holidays with the family, but those with a sweetheart will certainly have begun to ask to be able to leave even for a short romantic getaway. We asked Dr. Marta Musso, a psychologist who collaborates with the CAF Onlus Association in our city, how to face the first vacation with the boyfriend / girlfriend.
Read also: Teenagers between sex and love, advice to parents
At what age can you go on vacation alone?
According to pedagogists, the right age is around 16 years old and usually also for boys around this age the desire to be a little more independent from their parents arises. It will then be up to the individual parents to evaluate - objectively - also the actual maturity of the child.
Where to go on vacation?
The ideal is a distant place, but not too much. Mediate, that is, between the desire to get away from home and the usual places, but without wanting to go to the antipodes. Having the young lovebirds go to a place they already know, "it can be comforting in some respects, but it makes them less prudent for others," warns the doctor.
Why agree to a vacation with your boyfriend?
While it's hard to admit, a vacation with your love is proof that your children are becoming adults: kids make a report public and somehow take responsibility for it.
In general, travel, helps to know and measure oneself with situations that are unknown and, consequently, to grow even more. In addition, it is important to support - especially during adolescence - the need to detach from parents: "it is a healthy need, which leads children to take measures of one's own courage and his own psychological resistance. Inside, in reality, however, they are still small and fragile, in constant struggle with themselves and with the surrounding world. Parents must have patience and try to enter into this conflict, teaching them that it is not something to be avoided, but to be resolved and that doing it often improves a relationship ".
Parents: instructions for use to deal with this experience
Read also: the mind of teenagers, 10 things to know
1. Don't treat them as adults
On the one hand, she will always be your little girl (or your little boy), on the other hand it is easy to expect, if not pretend, adult attitudes and reasoning. Remember, though, that a teenager is not an adult.
During adolescence, their bodies and brains change: "This is important to keep in mind because, even if they are growing, the brain of a teenager is anatomically different from that of an adult: the areas of self-control and voluntary behavior are precisely those which develop last. The teens they therefore have a very low sense of danger and poor self-control. These premises are fundamental to be taken into consideration before an important moment such as the first holidays alone, not because they must be prohibited, but because they must be addressed in the right way ".
2. Talk about it together
To face the first vacation with your boyfriend in the right way, "the best thing is to try to talk, prepare e make people think on the meaning and consequences of certain actions. Not in a judgmental or threatening way, but rather by attuning as much as possible with your child, trying to remember your time as teenagers and putting yourself in their shoes. If the children "feel felt", they will be able to make much better use of the teachings you want to give them. The transgressive behaviors decrease the more one becomes able to take into account the alternatives and to evaluate the consequences of one's actions and if the cognitive resources of an adolescent still do not allow it, it is up to the wisdom of mum and dad ".
3. Share the program
If it makes you more confident, ask to share broadly theirs programs with you, but with the sole aim of a healthy and sincere curiosity, a bit like you would ask a friend for information before a holiday.
4. Be confident
Each situation, story and context is different and must be evaluated on its own. However, the basis is always and only one: "you need to trust!»Probably, once you leave, you will be anxious but it is good to relax and think about all the positive aspects that this holiday will have on your children.
5. Agree on a minimum contact
A good compromise could be at least one phone call a day, but remembering that mom and dad are available to answer (and help) any problem. "When you hear them, don't pour your fears and fears on them, but listen to them out of curiosity to know if they are having fun and share the thrill of the trip with them."
6. Listen without necessarily telling
Talking about your first vacation with your boyfriend is not necessarily a good idea: «even parents could have some skeletons in the closet and not really be virtuous examples. Better to listen to what they have to say: what are their expectations, hopes and fears ».
7. Better a one-to-one comparison
Finally, remember that these discussions are only between you parents and your children, «do not involve the other partner as well, who will probably have another point of view (unless you have agreed on a common line first). Better to put together the two comparisons the children had with their respective parents at a later time, without situations of (potential) embarrassment ».
Updated on 11.07.2022TAG:
- family vacations