“For thirty years, fashion has been denying masculinity and claiming that male and female are actually the same. But the most recent research confirms the insights of moms and dads: boys and girls are very different. The hardest point with sons is this: understand how to appreciate their masculinity, in all its forms, instead of crushing it».
He says it Steve Biddulph, a long-time family therapist (and with various best-sellers sold around the world).
After explaining how to educate our daughters, he tells us about the boys ("Raising sons" ¸ published by Tea, just reprinted).
Do you have a daughter? Read also HOW TO RAISE FEMALE DAUGHTERS
Here is his vademecum:
0- 3 years: "Hey, I'm a boy but I still need pampering!"
what happens: Babies like to be pampered and teased, laugh and play. Compared to baby girls, males are less physiognomized and have a worse sense of touch, but they grow faster and they move more. Read also Lots of cuddles
what to do: maternal presence in the first three years is fundamental (nursery / nannies / grandparents the necessary minio): male newborns they suffer much more from distancingor and suffer from abandonment syndrome which makes them insecure and irritable.
These are the years of tenderness: they must be pampered a lot. Recent studies have shown that parents hug and cuddle daughters for much longer, even when they are just born. This differentiation is silly: the most important thing at this stage is to instill love and security in the child, 'making him participate in life' in a welcoming and serene way. Read also What Babies Like
3-5 years: "Mom, can you teach me?"
what happens: move to discovery of the world, they discover walking, running and climbing, the pleasure of eating and playing alone. (Read also: I play a little alone)
what to do: it's time to give limits, firmly (and without using blows or blame). Mom has to try to stimulate language as much as possible of the child (usually less rich and articulate than girls): this will increase his self-esteem and also his sociability. Males they need more help learning social skills (sitting in the classroom, for example, eating with cutlery, not making noise, not screaming): you will have to be patient, but strict on this aspect.
The father must support the mother as much as possible: perfect for him to have fun or play wrestling, but also to read him a story before going to sleep or cuddle him. The little one will learn that men are as sweet as they are fun, that being strong doesn't mean being grumpy.
6 years: "Help, testosterone is coming!"
what happens: According to the most recent studies, just at this age there is a sudden 'kindling of masculinity, caused by a noticeable increase in testosterone. The children they want to play with swords, dress up as superheroes, wage war and struggle, become boisterous and restless.
what to do: it is a way to attract the attention of the father, to 'understand how to be male'. They can't be ignored by dad (or from a male figure of reference: the new partner of the mother, an uncle): it is a very delicate year, in which fathers have to free the children from the excess protection of the mother, without ever criticizing the mother's work.
They should be stimulated with sport, go out with the family, father-son games that favor complicity (bike races, football matches, watching movies for two, stories of childhood memories,)
7 - 14 years: "Dad, I want to do like you!"
what happens: it is the period of major hormonal changes, due to a new one increased testosterone production (appearance of hair in the armpits, pubic hair, lowering of the voice, appearance of a first hair on the face and a thin mustache). The hormone also produces a sort of inner drive that pushes the boy to get closer and closer to his father for interests and activities. Interest in the external world is also increasingor, for example, the circle of friends and the first amorous infatuations acquire more and more importance.
what to do: it's this one the key-age during which as a child he becomes confident and happy to be male. The figure of her mother does not disappear: it is up to her to transmit happiness and kindness, that is, to dilute the excess of masculinity. The father must be, also in terms of time, much more present than usual.
It is from the father that the child learns skills and abilities: in outdoor sports and in practice (construction, small DIY jobs). In this regard, it is essential that the father cut out the quality time on the weekend, for example by participating in sports activities with the child but also during the week, after returning from work. Read also: the 5 golden rules of fatherhood
14 - 16 years: "Looking for the right mentor for me ..."
what happens: these are the very complicated years of male adolescence, often made up of arrogance, of energy that we do not know how to channel, of immeasurable growth - even physical - that involves a change in appetite, some hormonal imbalance (pimples, acne). These are the years in which children seem most interested (and worried) about their external appearance, how their peers see them and judge them. Their testosterone also grows by 800%: it is normal that it is a difficult period! He is hormonally and physically ready to explode into an adult role, but we often see him as a child: it is obvious that problems arise.
what to do: mom and dad must 'take a step back ' and look for a suitable figure in their circle of friends, relatives and acquaintances mentor of your child. It is time to seek 'good teachers': it can be the football coach, an uncle, the educator of the summer camp. You must be a trustworthy person but also 'close' to the boy, who will only bond with an adult whom he values. Sense of responsibility, respect for others, curiosity and openness to the world, dedication to study can no longer be conveyed only by parents: there is a need for an 'intermediate' model, a bigger person but not too big to imitate.
It is also important to find a way to channel the desire for affirmation typical of this age, to make positive the normal rebellion of children against the impositions of adults: favor, even at the cost of financial and time sacrifices, any interest or creative activity (music, sport) that you like. Read also: males and females are different. Here because60 PHOTOS
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A toy car, a cloud, a rosette or a moon. All strictly blue. How many nice ways to announce the birth of your baby. Some idea of birth bow for ...
See also the video: the role of the father for sons
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Updated on 14.09.2022TAG:
- how to raise sons
- 3-5 children years