We are all emotional, but not all of us are emotionally competent.
And knowing how to manage emotions is fundamental, it means not being overwhelmed by anger, not losing self-control, facing fears, recognizing and expressing feelings correctly. All skills that help you live well with yourself and with others. "It is therefore important to teach our children the abc of emotions to prepare them for life"explain psychologists Ludovica Nay-Oleari and Giovanna Arisi Rota. Here are their suggestions.
1. Set a good example
Read also: Children's whims, how to manage them from 0 to 16 years. The secret is empathy2. Don't be afraid of your children's emotions
Another thing that parents absolutely must not do is deny the emotions of the children. Parents struggle to see their child sad, angry, afraid, therefore they tend to belittle these emotions with phrases like: "there is no need to be afraid!", "don't be sad"; but in this way children feel confused and fear they are wrong because they feel something that the parent does not recognize.
3. Embrace their emotions and show them how to overcome them
Instead, what needs to be done is recognize the baby's emotions, give them a name and teach them to let them go.
First of all, you need to tune in to the little one: empathize with him by saying, for example: "I see you sad ..."; then accept the negative emotion: "I understand you, I too would be sad if it happened to me ...."; finally help him to activate a reasoning to see the positive side of an event, make him understand that then it will pass and that even crises can teach us something, for example: "I know that you are sad because you have quarreled with your friend, why don't you prepare a nice drawing for her so that tomorrow you can make peace?"; or even ask him: "What can I do to make you feel better?".
Or when faced with a whim, say: "I understand you, but you can't really make another ice cream! What do you say, instead, if we go to the little park?".
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4. Talk about your emotions
A healthy family climate is not where fake happiness always hovers; but a place where positive and negative moments alternate.
By trying to protect our children from negative emotions by hiding them behind a shallow wall where everything seems to be fine, we end up not educating children about life, which is made up of good and bad times. Our home must reflect what they will encounter in the world, it must not be an overprotected environment.
Also the little ones are only very perceptive and they understand when something is wrong, so we might as well talk about it. Of course, using the right words for their age and sharing the emotion, but not the content.
A parent who is having problems at work and comes home upset may say that they have had a difficult day and feel sad because of it, but with a good hug they will be better.
Obviously in the family they have to be shared even positive emotions: "today I'm happy because ..."
Getting children used to talking about emotions will help a lot when they are teenagers and they will face real emotional storms. It will help them to know that "as it happens to me, it happens to my mom".
20 children's books on emotions
go to the galleryHelping children, from the earliest years of life, to talk about themselves and their emotions not only allows us parents to understand them better, but also gives them the ...
Doctors Ludovica Nay-Oleari and Giovanna Arisi Rota organize meetings with small groups of parents (maximum 10) in our city to talk about parenting. Among the main topics: 1. Being parents today. New ways of realizing oneself. 2. Children in the network. 3. The "building blocks" of self-esteem. 4. The alphabet of emotions. Info: ludovica.naj@gmail.com; giovanna.arisirota@fastwebnet.comTAG:
- emozioni
- empathy
- 1-2 children years