How to teach children to defend themselves

How to teach children to defend themselves
Fonte: Alamy

What to do when your child is subjected to insults and offenses by peers? "Acting directly is not the recommended attitude," explains child psychologist Serena Costa. "Talk to the child, help him bring out his emotions and devise mature responses to respond to the next attacks." So here it is how to teach children to defend themselves in the best way.



How to react to offenses

"It is good to distinguish the ways of reacting to offenses:



  1. some adopt an attitude aggressive, returning the offense or spite and hurting the one who first offended;
  2. others respond with an attitude passive, undergoing and receiving the offense without doing anything and above all with the risk of believing what the other says negatively;
  3. still others react with an attitude assertive, which represents the middle way and which consists in being able to respond to the offender, making it clear that one is aware of an infringed right because one has not been respected, but at the same time not attacking the other ».

The task of the parents is to "direct the children to have an assertive attitude, which is undoubtedly the most mature ».

Understanding the reasons for the offenses


«Parents must help the child a reflect on the dynamics that are hidden behind an offense: there could be a provocation or a reaction of anger for something that happened among the children ».

Explain to them that it is not worth reacting on impulse: "It is better to find another way to interact, for example by expressing one's emotions or by asking the other the reason for the offense or insult, which could derive from something negative that one has done and of which one is not aware ».



Prevent and manage emotions


«The ideal is a work of prevention on these issues concerning the relationship and the management of emotions: parents should not be afraid to face the conversation with children. It is important to ask them what reactions they have had in front of physical or verbal offenses, to understand how they have reacted and possibly to make them reflect on the consequences of their choices. For example, what happened when they reacted violently in turn? Probably, in a school context they will have been punished by the teacher together with those who started to offend, or maybe they will have been considered themselves in the wrong ».



Read also: Against violence: how to educate male children respectful of women

If your child offends


What to do if, on the other hand, it is your child who is "violent" and insults his companions? «We need to understand if it is a sporadic attitude, caused by a particular situation, or if it is something that happens repeatedly. If you realize that it is the only way the child has to relate to peers, it is necessary to intervene to stop him ».

The first analysis to do is on the level familiar, wondering about their ways of relating especially when they are angry. “It is also necessary to help him find the best ways to interact with others. If he has seriously hurt or offended a partner, it is right to ask him to find a way to make amends, for example by apologizing, but also to establish a consequence if the fact should happen again. At school level, if the situation repeats itself, it is advisable to involve the school psychologist to work on the group and on relationships ».

Parents do not have to intervene directly


«In general, in conflicts between children it is better do not intervene directly: the child may, in fact, think he is unable to manage the situation and this could give rise to feelings of inadequacy. Furthermore, when you are defended by adults you risk ending up in a position of disadvantage and being victims of further oppression by your companions precisely because they are deemed unable to defend themselves on their own. Furthermore, the child does not find and does not learn the strategies useful for autonomously managing the injustices that are done to him ».

This obviously does not mean pretending nothing has happened: "If the parent has been a spectator of an argument or notices physical signs such as scratches, he must resume what happened and talk to the child about it: in this way he will make him understand the gravity of the situation and will be able to give him the tools to manage a similar episode in the future ».

Read also: How to teach children to defend themselves from the bad guys

Responding to bullying


Unfortunately, offenses can sometimes be part of bullying phenomena linked to bullying: "Generally the actions performed by bullies are repeated over time and are aimed at making the person who is the object suffer".

It is not just physical but also verbal or psychological violence that occurs, for example, in exclusion from a group. «It certainly is in these cases even more difficult to ask for help, but it is all the more important to make children understand that we must not remain silent, otherwise we risk playing the game of bullies, and above all that it is not necessary to react with violence: children must be helped to promote their rights without lower yourself to the level of bullies ».

Even in these cases, it would be it is preferable that the parent avoids intervening directly. «Better to be present but with a discreet distance, monitoring the situation, inquiring, understanding how the child is, helping him to let off steam and understand how to overcome the conflict with his peers with a mature attitude. If, on the other hand, it is the child who explicitly requests the help of the parent, the intervention must not, however, be to defend the child, but to act as a mediator, asking the children to explain their reasons ".

TAG:
  • children education
  • psyche
  • Bullying
  • defense of children
  • 1-2 children years
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