Latvian, no, better to keep separate spaces. The word to the experts

Latvian yes or no? The word to Daniele Novara, educator and director of the Psycho-pedagogical Center for Peace and Conflict Management in Piacenza, 52, a 21-year-old daughter. For Franco Angeli you have recently published On the Parents' Side. Tools to live your educational role well.

Although in an almost total sharing, the lives of children and that of adults should in any case also have spaces and moments that are distinct from each other. The night is one of these moments and the master bedroom is one of these spaces. Allowing children to enter it without offering any resistance prevents them from grasping this limit.

Not only that: being able to freely access this place, which for adults is synonymous with particular privacy and intimacy, creates in the little ones a dangerous idea of ​​omnipotence which, growing up, could give them many difficulties in relationships with others.

The presence of the child in the bed, or rather in the bedroom, of mum and dad can make sense in the first year of life. Gradually, however, this habit must be abandoned and, from the age of three onwards, in my opinion a child should sleep alone.

And over time, keep doing it. Especially when she gets to be six, seven years old. At this age, in fact, her presence in the Latvian takes on a very special meaning. In some ways, it's as if she wants to "control" mom and dad, both emotionally and sexually. This idea of ​​control is typical of the oedipal period (which develops between the ages of three and five and during which, according to psychoanalysis, amorous feelings are born in the child for the parent of the opposite sex and, at the same time, feelings of jealousy for that of the same parent. sex, ed) and it is normal that there is. It is a little less normal for parents to agree to it, perhaps for fear of frustrating their children. Especially in the face of a desperate cry, which can only trigger some sense of guilt ...

Of course, a crying baby must be consoled. And the fear of the dark, which for the little ones is one of the most significant, should not be minimized. Parents, however, must help the child to deal with it, not just "take it away" by welcoming him into the Latvian. In this way, in fact, they do nothing but prolong the period of childhood addiction, running the risk of undermining the path of growth and conquest of self-esteem that he is making.

No to Latvian also for games and cuddles? Yes, in my opinion it would be better to find a truly “neutral” space. If you really don't know how to give up the bed, you should at least make the little ones understand the difference between night and day. At night, it is reserved for mum and dad; during the day, however, perhaps in the morning, it can welcome them too, to have fun and exchange tenderness. Without this becoming a habit, however. As I have already pointed out, I believe it is right for parents to freely enjoy their spaces. And that children peacefully walk the road to autonomy.

For this reason, then, to play and pamper yourself, it would be better to throw yourself on the sofa ...

Read the answers from other experts

  • Lidia Magistrati, educator

  • , doctor, developmental psychotherapist

  • Scalari, developmental psychotherapist

Read also: Latvian yes or no? This is the dilemma

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