Latvian yes or Latvian no? The opinions of experts and parents

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Marie-Ange Demory
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As children, they come to us in the arms of their parents. Growing up, then, they slip in on their own. With soft footsteps, during the night, they cross the threshold of the master bedroom and, silently, slip into the bed, where they then remain, happy and satisfied, until the following morning.



Am I going to be wrong - parents ask themselves - am I giving my son a "vice" that I will never be able to take away from him? Or will it be right, because keeping him next to me during the night will infuse him with serenity and security, will make him feel more protected?

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In short, better 'Latvian no or Latvian yes?' There is no certain answer and then every family, every couple and every child is made in their own way. To find your own formula and live guilt-free, whether you decide one way or another, MyModernParents.com interviewed several childhood experts on the subject. Here's what they said.



"Latvian yes, but it must be a choice shared by the couple" (Lidia Magistrati, educator)

"It is very difficult to give a single answer to this question, especially when it comes to babies. For a baby who has just arrived in his new home, in fact, what could be better than being as close as possible to mom and dad, both day and night? Until the rhythms of the feedings have settled and the "mutual understanding" has not deepened, therefore, keeping the baby in the bed can be reassuring and positive as well as comfortable. Obviously, this choice it must be shared by both parents, not “scare” anyone or upset the balance of the couple, "he says Lidia Magistrati, educator of the “La Via Lattea Maternity Home” in our city, 57 years old, mother of two children, aged 30 and 22..

Until when to sleep all together? "There is a limit that I believe should not exceed three years - says Magistrati -. At this age, in fact, children should by now have learned to understand that, both for them and for adults, there are distinct" personal "spaces and recognized, which must be respected and accepted. Reaching this awareness, however, is not always as easy, quick or automatic as one might like. Sometimes, it is better to go step by step, without being influenced by the opinions of grandparents, friends, neighbors ... If you feel that the time is not yet right, perhaps due to an external event that disturbs the family serenity (the arrival of a little brother, the beginning of the nursery school, the mother who has work), better postpone a little longer ". CONTINUE >>>> The interview on Latvian with Lidia Magistrati, educator

Up to three years can be an acceptable choice but it is better for parents and children to have separate spaces, especially at night "(Daniele Novara, pedagogist)

"Although in an almost total sharing, the lives of children and that of adults should in any case also have spaces and moments that are distinct from each other - he argues Daniele Novara, educator and director of the Psycho-pedagogical Center for Peace and Conflict Management in Piacenza, 52 years old, a 21-year-old daughter and author of several books on children's education - The night is one of these moments and the master bedroom is one of these spaces. Allowing children to enter it without offering any resistance prevents them from grasping this limit ".

"Not only that: being able to freely access this place, which for adults is synonymous with particular privacy and intimacy, creates in the little ones a dangerous idea of ​​omnipotence which, growing up, could give them many difficulties in relationships with others".

"The presence of the child in the bed, or rather in the bedroom, of mum and dad can make sense in the first year of life. However, progressively, this habit must be abandoned and, from three years onwards, in my opinion a child should sleep alone CONTINUE >>>> The interview on the Latvian with Daniele Novara, pedagogist

"I am in favor of the Latvian if the mother is tired and it is a choice that helps to alleviate her fatigue" (, doctor and psychotherapist of the developmental age)

"As a general rule, I would say that the Latvian is the place of rest for mum and dad, not for mum, dad and children. For the latter, the ideal place to sleep is the cradle or bed - he says. , doctor, psychotherapist of the developmental age, researcher at the State University of our city, 44 years old, father of 4 children of 9, 6, 3 and 1 year and he too author of several essays for parents -. Like any rule, however, this too may have some exceptions. Especially in the first months of a newborn's life: if the rhythms of the feedings are still a bit confused and the awakenings are very frequent, in fact, the Latvian can become a "lifesaver" for a nursing mother. The idea is to alleviate her fatigue, to protect her well-being and, consequently, that of the child ".

"It is worth remembering one thing, though. Welcoming the baby in your bed means getting him used to falling asleep always and only next to him, but later on he will inevitably also have to teach him to sleep alone. And this is a step that requires time, patience, availability and for which you have to be ready. Sometimes, however, it is mom and dad who are the first not to be and they hide their fears behind the need to instill safety in children ... CONTINUE >>>> The interview with, doctor, developmental psychotherapist

"Children in the Latvian but they must also learn to sleep alone because it is the first step towards the conquest of autonomy and independence" (Scalari, psychotherapist)

"I am neither completely opposed nor entirely in favor of the possibility of a Latvian. I like to think that every now and then a child can also sleep next to his parents - he says. Scalari, developmental psychotherapist in Venice, 57, author of several books on education. - What I consider decidedly negative, however, is the "letting out" of the Latvian one of the parents - who is generally the father - to make room for the child. Giving up one's place in the marital bed would be a great mistake for the balance of the couple ".

"Once they have conquered the Latvian, however, then the children must also accept to leave him ... Although happy to have their tender, sweet and confident child next to them, parents must also be aware of the need to teach him to sleep alone", says Scalari.

"With conviction, serenity and availability they must make the child understand that he is perfectly able to rest even without them. Make him understand that leaving the Latvian is not equivalent to a rejection by mom and dad but, rather, it is a sign of trust. , is the first step, on the path of growth, towards the conquest of autonomy and independence ". CONTINUE >>> The interview with Scalari, developmental psychotherapist

On MAMMENELLARETE - Here is what mothers and fathers think on the Latvian theme

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