It may happen that, despite the best of intentions, we arrive at losing patience with their children. “Often this happens for two reasons: external causes, such as daily stress; or specific behaviors that offend our sensitivity »explains Elisabetta Rossini of the Rossini-Urso family counseling office and co-author of the book“ Children must be children ”.
«The most important thing in these cases, but also the most difficult, is be honest with yourself and have one good awareness of oneself and one's emotions in order to recognize what really makes us sick and avoid establishing a conflictual relationship with one's child »specifies the expert.
How to avoid losing patience
Some strategies can be very helpful for avoid falling into a vicious circle and safeguard the bond with your child.
1. Ask yourself, "Why am I nervous?"
A daily exercise
It is something that you learn with practice: «Every day it is important to take a few minutes to reflect on your emotional state. This is useful in every moment of life, because it helps to become aware of one's emotions ».
2. Protect yourself and your children
“If we can recognize that we are nervous or what makes us nervous, it will be easier to defuse this "toxic" mechanism and avoid conflict. When we recognize the signs of what is not making us feel good, we can move away from the situation, going to another room or calling a friend ».Read also: Can a two-year-old be patient?
"The difference between adult and child is precisely this: adults can predict what will happen in a situation and correct behaviors that can create discomfort."
3. Remember that ideal parents do not exist
«We must always remember that there are no ideal parents, always smiling and happy. And, in the end, it's better this way. We are human beings, with our peculiarities and our character, and there are some things that can irritate us more than others. Also in this case, getting to know each other is a fundamental element to prevent anger and quell clashes in the bud ».
An exercise that can be done to identify what bothers us more than anything else is to stop and reflect on the situations in which we have lost patience in the last fortnight.
«The important thing is to find a common thread and divide the situations in which the anger was caused by external factors and when, on the other hand, the nervousness was determined by a behavior of child".
4. Learn to delegate
If we recognize our limitations, it will be easier to get help. "If we understand that bath time is critical for us, then we can ask our partner to replace us in this job."
"Asking for help and knowing how to delegate is a sign of great personal balance, because it means recognizing the limits that each of us has ».
5. Never threaten children
«Communicating directly to the child what bothers us is the best and most effective choice in these situations. Instead of threatening him and entering a dynamic of defiance, tell him: "Mum / dad makes this angry" ».
By stating the reason for the irritation right away, you avoid entering a sterile conflict and saves time.Read also: Patience: 9 strategies to teach it to children
"Obviously, there is no magic recipe, but surely an approach of this type, over time, will undermine a negative dynamic that is not useful for anyone".
- 1-2 children years