I changes, at whatever stage of life they occur, they have the ability to break a balance. Even if the novelties introduce an improvement, in a first phase, they leave us bewildered.
In pre-adolescence the factors of transformation are so many that they turn into a storm. Suddenly our children find themselves dealing with a body that they no longer feel and that they cannot control. THE physical traits they begin to look more like those of an adult than to those of a child but thoughts and maturity remain anchored largely to childhood.
Who are today's teenagers? It is the listless and now disillusioned young people who tell us the news, with their heads lost inside the smartphone or video games, or the awake boys capable of ...
This conflict manifests itself in emotional difficulties that not all children are able to face serenely. «The main problem of this age - he explains Sofia Bignamini, psychotherapist of the developmental age at the Minotauro social cooperative - è manage the exuberance that can lead to aggression».
La male pre-adolescence compared to the female one happens slightly later and is usually between nine and a half years and thirteen and a half. In this period the physicality explodes that often vents in moments of instinct and anger that alternate with moments of regression and return to childhood. "We go from bold attitudes, like challenging the world riding a scooter, to those in which a mammon side re-emerges" explains the psychotherapist.
Once you have taken note of the change in your body, many centimeters gained in height and first hair, the boys rise to the social stage of the peer group, i.e. their peers, and show off their new identity. Physical maturation early or late, according to Dr. Bignamini, it actively affects the construction of personality of the boy: "those who grow up earlier and live the new aspect well, also thanks to forms of social appreciation, tend to be more bold and in some cases more aggressive, those who develop later, usually, are more reserved and remain at shadow of adults ". In favor of the latter, however, there is the possibility of better managing the transformations on a psychological level because the body begins to grow when the mind has had a few more years of maturation available.Read also: How to manage pre-adolescence, 5 tips for parents
Within these inner conflicts, the role of the parent is inserted who must be able to accompany their child on this bumpy journey. To do this, we let ourselves be given some advice from the psychologist of the Minotauro Social Cooperative.
- THE IMPORTANCE OF THE POPE. It is necessary for the father to take the stage in pre-adolescence. The relationship that children have with their mothers is more atavistic, while with their father they can speak the same language and discuss the new problems that distress them. From pleasing girls to difficulties with friends, this is the right time to open an important sharing channel.
- QUALITY TIME. It is not important to spend a lot of time with your child, even if it certainly does not hurt, but it is essential that it is used in the right way. In the male world it is not always necessary to resort to dialogue to strike the right chords. Just share moments that strengthen the relationship, such as a concert or a game in the stadium.
- ORIENT, NOT IMPOSE. In the parent-child relationship it is important to know how to listen. People often make the mistake of imposing their own solutions on growth. It is useless to push a child to play football by claiming "football saved me" if in reality the boy wants to play the guitar. We must learn to observe to find the right way to accompany him on this path.
- WAIT TO JUDGE. Your child is a mess at school, he combines all the colors and often smells of sweat. Don't despair, the mini-adult in front of you isn't necessarily a photo of the man he will be. Give it time to make mistakes and to grow.
- DO NOT CATEGORIZE. In this stage of growth, your children are hungry for identity. Don't make the mistake of labeling them "he's the geek" or, conversely, "he's the plague". Parental judgments are important to kids, even if they go out of their way to prove otherwise. These attributions risk heavily influencing the perception they have of themselves.
Between nine and a half and thirteen and a half years.
- males vs females