Mum says yes, dad no: how to manage conflict in 5 steps

Who I am
Catherine Le Nevez
@catherinelenevez
Author and references

Fonte: Alamy

You have found yourselves, fallen in love, and you have learned to mediate between your needs and those of your partner, managing to create an atmosphere of sharing and serenity. But now that you have a child, the opportunities for tension are multiplying day by day.




Where the disagreement between parents arises

From the little things, like making the child walk barefoot around the house or letting him taste a new food, to the more important ones, like choosing a school or giving a punishment, the reasons for disagreement between parents they can be many, coming to undermine the stability of the couple, but also the serenity of the child.



Read also: Arguing in front of children, 10 things to know


"Switching from a two-person relationship to a three-way relationship is not always easy - explains Silvia Lepore, SPI psychoanalyst of the Center of the city of Psychoanalysis -. The dynamics change and the priority becomes that of finding compromises together with one's partner regarding the child's life ». A task that can be difficult and over which couples can even fight fiercely, to the detriment of their children.



1. Learn to compare yourself




2. Argue "well"

The message that must pass is not that you should never fight, "It is not possible to always agree. Among other things, in this way an ideal of perfection, which is not authentic, would be transferred to the child. It is important that children see the conflicts, the frustration, the differences between parents, but it is equally important that they see that these differences are resolved. It is precisely on these occasions, in fact, that children they internalize the functioning of the couple. Therefore, the better the parents will be able to manage the difference and the better will be the example they will give to their children ».

Read also: Parental quarrels can affect children's future relationships


3. Don't try to always be right

«Finding an agreement even sometimes giving in and accepting the other's reasons is a good lesson because it means having the ability to mediate between the different visions ".


4. Don't forget about your child


5. Tell your child what happened

moment of reflection

TAG:
  • Parents
  • children education
  • quarrels children
  • mum
  • paternity
  • children
  • 1-2 children years
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