It happens to everyone. At the end of the day, or when you are very tired, sometimes a glass of water overturned on the table can be enough to make even the best of mothers (and fathers) lose their temper. And so it is a moment to raise your voice, scold your children in an inappropriate way and overreact, leading to even verbally excessive behavior.
Just in these days, however, a new study from Oregon State University has reiterated: the anger of parents makes children in turn aggressive and prone to react over the top.
So, how can we avoid this vicious circle, first of all by working on the attitudes of mum and dad? We asked this to Anna Oliverio Ferraris, psychologist and psychotherapist specializing in family issues, who gave us five valuable tips.
1 - DELEGATE
When you feel that you have reached the limit, of patience, of tiredness, of stress in general, delegate to another person the care and management of a moment of tension for the child. Whether it's the partner, the nanny or the grandmother, it doesn't matter. The important thing is to acknowledge that at that moment the other would do better than us. And get out of the scene.
2 - TAKE TIME
Before scolding the little one, maybe even out loud as it can happen, take a couple of deep breaths and take time, and only then take action. Better to make a cold reprimand at a later time. It will certainly be more reasoned and therefore more effective than the belly one.
3 - COHERENCE
It is essential to keep a firm and consistent line in expectations and rules towards children. It is not uncommon, however, that one day you tolerate a certain situation (a room all upside down, for example) and the next day you rant about the same thing. Choosing an educational line and keeping it true is very important in order not to confuse the children.
4 - WHY DID YOU DO IT?
Try to understand the motivation behind the child's behavior that made mom or dad nervous. Was he really voluntary and did he do it out of spite? Or was it just the result of the proverbial clumsiness of small children, who are often clumsy in their movements and actions? The reaction must be different.
5 - HOW TO COMMUNICATE WHAT
Pay attention to what you want to communicate to your children. Very often with words one thing is said, but in the modalities a whole other message is transmitted. The most common example is that of the parent who says loudly to his screaming and throwing child: "Lower your voice, stop screaming!". But if this recommendation is given aloud, for the little one the message that passes will be that screaming is legitimate, so does the mother ...
- How to scold the child and make him feel loved
- Children, how to teach respect for the rules
Do you want to talk about it with other moms and dads? Enter the forum L'angolo delle mamme
- aggressive parents
- 3-5 children years