"My son has a girlfriend." Advice on how to behave

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Catherine Le Nevez
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Source: By Alex Mazilu / shutterstock

He stops at school for those 10 more minutes. He takes a shower every day and sings. But it is when she asks to change telephone operator that you finally understand: he has fallen in love with her and she has another operator. Then, the explicit request arrives, can Giada (Martina, Alessia, Sara ...) come tomorrow to study here? Maybe we eat together if that's okay.



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Help, how to manage the meeting with the "girlfriend" of the teenage son?

"Don't panic," advises the doctor, developmental psychotherapist and author of Let me grow up in peace. How to live serenely in adolescence (Erickson) and Everything too soon. The sexual education of our children in the age of the Internet (De Agostini). «The style to be maintained must be the same as always, as if a friend or a classmate came home. And that is welcoming - it is good to inquire about any allergies or food choices - but informal. It is forbidden to x-ray the girl with too personal questions about her family, it is better to try to put her at ease by simply inquiring about the school ».



And the bedroom question?

"It must not arise at that moment," continues Dr. Pellai. "The decision on the place of study will be defined first with the child and common sense suggests that you study in a common area of ​​the house, for example the living room or kitchen, with the doors strictly open: it must be explained to the boy that one must take into account even the expectations of the girl's parents ". It is clear that, to study in peace, TV and radio must be turned off.



Better not get too involved

Suppose you liked it, maybe you even suggested calling you by name and calling you a "you". Suppose you were looking forward to a female presence at home, someone to chat with: how far can you go with confidence? "She She's your son's girlfriend, not your friend," says Pellai. "It takes discretion, also out of respect for the boy who may not like to hear the stories of when he was little and of that time ... Moreover, in all probability, in a few months instead of Giada (Martina, Alessia, Sara ...) there will be someone else. Better not to get too involved ».

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WHAT IF WE DON'T LIKE IT?
But how does he like someone with a nose piercing, pink hair, shapeless shirt, etc.)? There is no answer, and most importantly, you don't even have to ask yourself the question: she's not your girlfriend. It is different if you don't like her because she, for example, opens the fridge and serves herself without asking permission. "When the mole is lack of education, it is necessary to talk about it with the son and invite him to make known the house rules to his girlfriend," explains Pellai. What if, on the other hand, it goes like this at school and you fear for your child's academic performance? “For many kids, having a love story means taking a step forward in life, and if he did well in school earlier he will continue on his way. The important thing is to understand what kind of couple has formed, if the relationship has become a refuge, an excuse to give up friends or sport or, hopefully, an incentive to do better and better ". Read also: first vacation with boyfriend, survival tips for parents

Updated on 11.07.2022

TAG:
  • teenage crushes
  • teens
  • love
  • first love
  • love between teenagers
  • 6-14 children years
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