Pre-adolescence is a journey into a middle-earth where the body often begins to resemble that of an adult but the head is still that of a child.. In girls this "transformation" begins around the eight years and ends with the end of the eighth grade a thirteen. In these years the shapes change and with them come the first emotional repercussions. Just think that the beginning of this phase is marked by the menarche, the first menstrual flow, which is a painful experience that can cause embarrassment and shame. (Read also how to manage pre-adolescence)
«For some decades already - he explains Sofia Bignamini, psychotherapist of the developmental age at the Minotauro social cooperative - there has been an advance on the times of pre-adolescence that forces girls to address the issue from maturing to an early age in which, often, they still do not have the emotional maturity necessary to face it ».
TO KNOW MORE: How to help children make the right choices
The growth according to the way and the age in which it occurs produces direct effects on the personality of the child who can undertake two opposite ways to face preadolescence. "If they are able to see that the transformation arouses approval - clarifies the doctor - they tend to exalt to force social relationships, if instead their physical appearance embarrasses them they feel ashamed and want to remain in the shadows".
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Both attitudes are difficult to manage and often the parent finds himself in the situation of having to find the right key to open the door that these little women, in the first impulse to protect their privacy, close behind. To do this, we asked Dr. Bignamini to give us some advice to apply in everyday life.
DIALOGUE FIRST OF ALL
The first step in establishing a healthy relationship with your daughter is the dialogue. In order for it to be profitable the parent needs to develop his listening skills. Behind the deso of confidentiality, every pre-adolescent retains the desire to share some areas of their life. The important thing is that they decide when to do it, also because the interrogation has never been very successful.
RESPECT PRIVACY, BUT NOT TOO MUCH!
When the girls close the door to their room, they still have access Internet which is a real window on the world. The network is a source of infinite possibilities but also of insidious ones for this reason the parent must be able to win the challenge of to monitor what your daughter does without being intrusive. Here too it is essential to maintain an active dialogue.
RESPECT THE ROLES
The parent must be a parent, he must not try at all costs to become a friend of his daughter. Children feel the need for a critical gaze that knows how to set limits even in this juncture.
SUSPEND THE JUDGMENT
Many parents are disappointed by the sudden change of their children. It can happen that a little girl who loved to read all of a sudden is more attracted to the tricks and TV shows that we find not too smart. In these cases, you have to force yourself to postpone the evaluation because what your daughter is at that moment is not necessarily a snapshot of what will be tomorrow.
Finally, suspend judgment on oneself as well. Pre-adolescence is a difficult age even for parents who come from infancy, a period during which they were able to "enjoy" their children to the full. In this phase of their growth, pre-adolescents want to emancipate themselves and it is right to allow them a controlled detachment. In this process, it will be impossible not to make mistakes so don't be too intransigent with yourself.