The arrival of a child is the most beautiful thing in the world, but it puts a strain on the couple and often the sex life suffers. Here are the six tips of Chiara Simonelli, sexologist, to return to the usual intimacy even after the arrival of a baby.
In this article
- The arrival of a child puts a strain on the identity of the couple. Take this into account
- Sex after childbirth: since when? If there are no particular problems, don't wait too long
- Recovery can be more difficult than expected. You have to give yourself time to find the right harmony
- Don't be super moms, it's bad for your life as a couple
- Men get busy! And don't hide behind the excuse she overlooks
- Play with your imagination and be able to grasp what you both like
1) The arrival of a child is the most beautiful thing in the world, but it puts a strain on the identity of the couple. Take this into account
"Having a child is the most beautiful and most important thing that can happen to the couple but, at the same time, it is something that puts a strain on the very entity of the couple. Because if until nine months earlier there was a 'harmony made of games of seduction, emotional complicity, kisses, cuddles and caresses, now we focus on the baby and it is difficult even to exchange a wink, "he says. Chiara Simonelli, sexologist.
"It is no coincidence that the couple's sex life changes, in many cases, already in pregnancy: the partners move away because they think, often mistakenly, that they are hurting the baby; or it may happen that the man is afraid of hurting the pregnant woman ; in other cases it is the woman who, already in pregnancy, projects all her attention on the baby who is about to be born, gradually moving away from her partner ".
"But when there are no clear medical indications that advise against intercourse, during pregnancy the couple can easily live their emotional routine" explains the expert. (Read also Moms, 10 tips to avoid going into crisis after the birth of the baby)
2) Sex after childbirth: since when? If there are no particular problems, don't wait too long. Excessive distance can create a grudge
"If there are no particular problems and contraindications reported by the gynecologist, the couple can return to a normal sexual life already after a month or so after giving birth," says Simonelli.
"Keep in mind, though, that you don't necessarily have to start over with a full report: you can start with effusions and affective exchanges that will help you, little by little, to regain the harmony of all time. Remember that excessive distance can create rancor and rust even in the most close-knit couples ". (READ ALSO: SEX AFTER BIRTH)
"In the case of natural birth, it is necessary to wait for the small spontaneous lacerations to pass naturally to avoid discomfort or pain during intercourse. The same thing is true in the case of an episiotomy: wait for the stitches to be reabsorbed and the discomfort caused by the surgery to end.
In the case of cesarean delivery, however, the genital organs have not suffered any trauma but attention must be paid to the cut, because the woman could feel pain if there is excessive pressure exerted during intercourse "continues the sexologist." In both cases In cases, however, a month or so is the time necessary to heal any cuts, allow the uterus and vagina to return to normal size and pass the lochings, ie the physiological blood losses that occur after childbirth ".
3) Recovery can be more difficult than expected: physical pain and psychological block. You have to give yourself time to find the right harmony
"It may happen that the woman feels pain in the first sexual intercourse after childbirth. A discomfort that can have various causes: the lacerations have not completely healed, the tissues are still swollen and painful, there is an infection in progress, the points of the episiotomy are not yet fully absorbed, "says Simonelli.
"In these cases it is good to talk about it to the partner and immediately contact the gynecologist for a medical opinion. It can happen, however, that the pain is a physical reaction to a woman's psychological block who is not yet ready to resume a normal sex life. "
In addition, "after giving birth there is a sharp drop in hormones that affects her intimate desire. And again: a newborn requires a lot of energy and it can happen that the woman finds herself tired, both physically and mentally. And, at the end of the day, he has no desire to exchange intimate affections with his partner. When he does it, unwillingly, out of duty or just for a while, then instead of pleasure he feels pain ".
"It may be useful to talk about it with your partner and perhaps turn to a sexologist who helps both: the woman to rediscover in the person next to her not only the father of her child but the partner with whom she has decided to share her life and in whom she has seen traits and sides that made her fall in love; the man to stay close to his partner helping her to overcome the discomfort with small attentions. Slowly, and together, they will find the right harmony as a couple, also from a sexual and erotic point of view ".
4) Don't be super moms, it's bad for your life as a couple. Better to ask for help and take time out with your partner
"After childbirth, a woman's sex life is influenced by her ability to feel like a good mom. Dear moms, learn to delegate. Does the world ask you to be super moms? No, perfect moms don't exist! You will be good moms even if you break up. help: your little one is safe even if he stays for a while with his father, grandparents, babysitter and other mothers with whom you can organize to take turns keeping the children.
"And you can concentrate on two things: on the one hand, take a walk to relax or a session at the hairdresser or beautician. Make yourself beautiful: it will help you to feel wanted by your husband and to give in to his advances with pleasure. side, when you have the opportunity to break away from the baby for a while, take out your time for your partner: a surprise, a dinner or even just a little attention will help you find yourself in each other's arms "continues l expert. (READ ALSO HOW TO REKIND THE PASSION)
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5) Men get busy! And don't hide behind the excuse she overlooks. Make them feel beautiful, important and that you love them more than before
"Dear men, help your women! Don't hide behind the excuse that you feel neglected because mom gives all the attention to her baby. Get busy! - urges the sexologist -. Immediately after the arrival of a baby, a balance is implicitly created in the couple, so often if the baby cries there are those who get up to take it; who thinks about changing the diaper and who prepares the bottle ".
Well, it doesn't matter which of the two parents does what: what matters is that the father does not lie around on the sofa watching the game while the mother has to take care of the child alone ", says the doctor.
Not only: "Men, pamper your women. After having a baby, a woman needs material help, but also moral support: 'does my partner still like me?' like before?'. These are just some of the doubts that crowd the minds of new mothers. Make them feel important, beautiful, and that you love them even more than before. A desired and loved woman is a great companion. Even under the sheets ".
6) Play with your imagination and be able to grasp what you both like
"Play with your imagination and be mentally resilient. If after giving birth you want to postpone the full relationship, don't give up on experiencing sexuality in a different way than usual: eroticism has many facets. Know how to grasp the ones that make you feel good. Both "concludes Simonelli.
Read also: Sex after childbirthQuestions and answers
Sex after childbirth: is it okay to let a long time pass before starting over?
If there are no particular problems, don't let too much time pass. Remember that excessive distance can create rancor and rust even in the most close-knit couples.
Sex after childbirth, how to gradually recover?
Play with your imagination. If after giving birth you want to postpone the full relationship, don't give up on experiencing sexuality in a different way than usual: eroticism has many facets.
TAG:
- couple life
- sex after natural childbirth
- sex after caesarean section
- sex after childbirth when
- sex pain after childbirth
