The importance of children's emotions: 20 phrases to say instead of "don't cry"

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We parents would like our children to never cry. And when we see them despair about something, we instinctively tell them not to cry.

But there is nothing wrong with crying, quite the contrary the act of crying encourages our resilience.

When we get hurt, physically or emotionally, crying (like laughter) allows us to free ourselves from tensions and not internalize them in the long term.

Crying is the way our body processes and reacts to a strong emotion.

Read also: how to teach the ABCs of emotions to children

Then as adults you stop crying almost completely, this is because in the end the education to "not cry" prevailed over instinct. An important resource is thus lost.

But our little ones still have their retrieval systems intact and it is therefore important to encourage them to cry. Also through crying they will not only bring out their painful feelings, but also feel more connected to us, more empathetic.


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Helping children, from the earliest years of life, to talk about themselves and their emotions not only allows us parents to understand them better, but also gives them the ...

Here because we don't have to block their emotions telling them not to cry or not to be sad, but on the contrary we have to help them understand what they are feeling.

Read also: We learn to recognize a child's emotions

Here, from the Huffington post,

the things we can say in front of a little one in tears:

  1.  I am here.
  2. I see you are shocked now.
  3. I will stay close to you until you get better.
  4. I'm sorry love, it's tough.
  5. I'm not going anywhere.
  6. You are safe here.
  7. There is nothing more important than being with you now.
  8. I'm sorry you lost your game / got into a fight with a partner ...
  9. I listen to you love.

Then bring attention to the facts that caused the crying

  1. You cared a lot about that toy.
  2.  That dog scared you!
  3. The skinned knee hurts, let's give it a look.

Give him a limit (and calmly listen to his protests)

  1.  I can't let you play with my glasses, I can't take you to the party ...
  2.  You need to put your shoes on, finish your homework ...

Show them the bright side

  1.  You can eat more chocolate later
  2.  Everything works out
  3.  I'll be back later.
  4.  I'm sure you'll have fun now.
  5.  You will see that you will be fine.
  6.  It will not always be like this.

Things to avoid saying or doing:

  • To label the feelings. Ex: "I see that you are angry".
  • To distract him from what he feels. Ex: "come on, let's go and see a cartoon".
  • To please him just to make him stop crying. Ex: "ava well, you can eat ice cream".
  • To try to reason. Eg: "you were but you had the toy you wanted, you should be happy".
  • To make his feelings feel wrong by scolding him, teasing him or making him shut up. Ex: "what is all this noise! ​​What are you doing?".
  •  Reward and punishment through threats, ultimatums, or trying to bribe him. Eg "if you brush your teeth immediately, then you can watch some more television".
Read also: Educating children with emotional intelligence

  • when a baby cries
  • children's emotions
  • the baby's crying
  • 1-2 children years
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