Happier, less stressed mothers in 10 stepsgo to the gallery
From the book 'The perfect mother does not exist' (by Kristine Carlson, Kowalski Editore), a handbook that will help you find balance and joy in the complicated role of mother and ...
The more we strive to be multitasking, keeping every detail of the family's daily life under control, taking care of shopping, work, afternoon courses for children, the pediatrician, baby food, washing machines and much more. still more, and the more we move away without realizing it from that ideal of a serene family that we longed for before having children.
The sooner we will shake off the aspiration to the role of super-mom who does everything to the maximum and that exists only in the imagination, and the more quickly we will achieve an inner balance that will benefit that of our whole nest. This is the basic message of Kristine Carlson, author of the book "The perfect mother does not exist" (Kowalski Publisher), who in 99 short chapters offers as many practical tips to avoid being overwhelmed and to find a more harmonious atmosphere with children and partner. . We have chosen ten for you.
1. The perfect mom does not exist
By giving up on impossible standards, not only will you be less stressed, but you will help your children understand that they don't have to be perfect either and that mistakes can always be learned.
Giving up on perfection is a relief, but that doesn't mean that mothers have to stop being a role model for their children: you can be a role model by contemplating mistakes, because in the real world no one is perfect.
2. Feed your spirit and your passions
Take your time. Even if you will have to work a little to find the right space and time, nurturing your spirit is the most important thing for the good of the whole family.
Raising children takes up a quarter of our life expectancy, our best years, those in which we have the most energy and are at our best. Those in which we would like to do everything well, give our best in every role we cover. But to do this we must know how to create the necessary opportunities to nourish ourselves, to take care of ourselves and make sure that this time becomes an important moment of the day.
Whether it's an hour at the spa or a lunch with friends or a reading alone on the sofa, or an ongoing activity such as engaging fully in a project that fully satisfies one's need to express oneself, such as art, writing or music.
They can be passions that constitute a real paid job, but also free pastimes, such as volunteering. External stimuli are needed to regain charge. As moms, you must always feed your source so that the family can drink from it.
3. The partner first on the list, not the last
Being able to balance the role of parents with the needs of romantic spaces and moments in the couple relationship is one of the most difficult challenges to face. But not to be underestimated. Putting your partner first on your to-do list will help you keep priorities right and will be the lifesaver of your bond.
In the family, children are the product of the two of you together, as a couple. You were there before them. And the best thing you can do is show them the love and respect you have for each other - these are top priorities. Without maintenance, any ship sinks, and the same goes for a romantic relationship.
After the children have arrived, it takes commitment to nurture the intimate bond that underlies your relationship. Every day, therefore, take time out without the television on and without the children. Make an appointment every week for a restaurant dinner, a movie or a romantic picnic or a bike ride or a visit to an exhibition.
4. Take a deep breath
How many times have you wanted to reflect before speaking or taking action impulsively, triggering inappropriate behavior? Next time, try taking a deep breath first.
Deep breathing, allowing the nervous system to calm the mind, is a fantastic way to access our wisdom and calm, which is the origin of the best deeds, keeping in check disproportionate reactions in the complicated everyday life, with the children and with their partner. And putting ourselves in a position to tap into the inner source of common sense.
Read: Baby blues and postpartum depression
5. Consciously choose happiness and peace / Choose your battles
Okay, all or most of you write the to do list and you can't wait to tick off all the items. But earning happiness also means knowing how to say: “Today I will do what I can and for the rest patience, I'll think about it tomorrow”.
To keep stress under control and enjoy life more, you need to learn to put things in perspective. Ultimately, it's a shame to give up on having a good time with your children just because there are chores to attend to or the house is in a mess.
It is also essential to understand when it is convenient to turn a blind eye to children: it doesn't have to be all a war. Choose your battles, the ones that are really important to you, to your beliefs, and on other issues, let go of control. And even the children will listen to you more.
6. Play as a team
Do you feel overwhelmed by all the chores and responsibilities of family life? Then start practicing the art of delegation and team play. There is no reason why you should take care of everything on your own. The team can be made up of you and your partner, but also a nanny, grandmothers, friends and anyone who is willing to give you a hand, be it paid or spontaneous help.
If paying or bartering some help allows you to do something else - or to rest, an activity necessary for physical and mental well-being and consequently also for the family - then you must consider a similar choice, which will prove to be an excellent investment. .
7. Healthy mothers, radiant mothers
It is much easier to feel happy when you have a strong and healthy body. Examine yourself honestly and evaluate your level of vitality and your energies. An annual check-up, complete with blood tests, pap smears, mammograms is also important when you are feeling well.
And a healthy diet also helps to feel better, which keeps the body functioning well: a diet made up of lean proteins, whole grains, plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, and instead low in sugars, carbohydrates and alcohol. And regular physical activity.
Taking care of yourself and your health is also a role model for your children who, without your realizing it, will absorb your lifestyle.
8. Let the problems stand out
When you have a worry or there is some important decision to make, slow down and take your time to reflect. Getting excited and worrying prevents you from solving the problem and imprisons you in a stressful mechanism.
Remind yourself: "You will know when you know": by doing so, you will not unravel the problem, but you will ease the tension, calm your mind and, most importantly, you will create the space necessary for the solution to take shape.
Letting worries simmer means moving them to the farthest stove and letting them simmer. The problem will not go away: when you feel sufficiently lucid, go and uncover it. When it is cooked to perfection you will realize it and the inner calm will guide you without much anxiety towards the most suitable solution.
Read: How to raise happy children
9. Learn to say no
Overwhelmed with commitments? Have you accepted too many tasks in order to help your children and their educational and growth path? If you've said yes to the role of class rep, football team's end-of-year party organizer, or Christmas charity market, then don't complain if you feel like you're breaking out.
By learning to say: “No, thank you, at this moment I already have too many commitments”, you will create the space to participate with more satisfaction in those activities that are most important to you.
10. Move away to get closer
Escaping the menage and grip of motherhood for a day or more is a wonderful way to regain a healthier perspective on things. Go and visit a distant friend for the weekend, spend a day or two in a city of art with your sister.
Nothing prevents you, even when the children are small, if you organize well with your partner. When you return home you will feel invigorated and full of new energy and will resume your daily tasks with more joy.
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