You can experience many disappointments of love in life (and at all ages) but the first can seem really insurmountable. The first heart problems they are no less painful than the second and subsequent, but have a understanding parent and ready to listen can be of great help (and example) to a broken-hearted teenager. We talked about it with Federica Corbetta, family psychotherapist for the MeTe studio in our city.
How to console a child left by a girl: let's not intrude too much
“Sometimes you feel like replace themselves in the situation and intervene to "fix things" - explains Federica Corbetta - such as, for example, going to the girl in person and asking her to come back with her son or organize situations in which the two boys can meet and clarify their problems. But this is absolutely wrong: these children cannot be prevented from going through these sufferings and they are not made responsible by taking on their pains. On the other hand, it may be more useful to tell an episode from one's youth and dwell on how one found the courage to react and resolve that story. Warning: it is okay to confide in your children if you talk to them about love disappointments related to your adolescence, but it is not the case to pour on them our sentimental problems of adulthood or difficulties of the present ».
How to help a daughter left by her boyfriend: do something together
Very often girls put the responsibility for a breakup on their physical appearance. «It certainly can't hurt to tell your daughter that she is beautiful - continues Corbetta - even if it is not necessarily the right thing to do to console a girl who has been left in any case. Rather, let's delve deeper into her relational world than her and discover together what are the "serious" aspects of her friendships and relationships that are important to her. Finally, do we want to snatch a smile from her? Let's propose an activity together, something that strengthens the complicity and reminds her that in life ... there is more! ».
Some expert advice is valid in all cases:
Read also: The first vacation with the boyfriend: survival tips for parents1. We help our child to name emotions
«The adolescent acts, he does not think - explains Corbetta -. This is a useful premise for entering the world of our children, where emotions are experienced with great intensity. Moods that can change quickly and that a teenager may not always know how to interpret. When we see them grumpy and aggressive, or strangely silent, when we intercept a state of mind that makes us realize that something is wrong, it can be helpful to say phrases like "I see you sad, something is wrong? You are not cheerful as usual, something upsets you, do you want to talk about it? ". An approach of this type allows first of all to reveal good attention to them and underlines what emotion these guys are transmitting to us. Most likely, with these words we are already opening a listening window and suggesting that their emotions, for us adults, are important ».
2. Don't minimize or use sarcasm
“If there's one thing that makes teenagers feel misunderstood and shut up, it's when adults don't give weight to feelings or make easy irony at the wrong time. It is always better to avoid phrases like "but don't cry, these things happen!", Or "and do you waste time on this nonsense?": It would only make them feel worse and get into a crisis with their emotions. Any judgment at this age can have enormous repercussions».
Read also: Teenagers between sex and love, advice to parents3. We tolerate detachment
If when a teenager is in pain he does not immediately run to his parents to let off steam, he will have his reasons. "Respect this silence and this decision by not insisting it is important for the boy or girl to let off steam and say everything when we want it - Corbetta continues -. Even worse is trying in an "illicit" way, that is, secretly, to steal details about what is happening to his love life: reading his diary, or his chats is violating a space and would lead to not knowing how to manage their partial confidence. , considering that perhaps in this way we may have come to know other information that the boy would not have wanted to tell ».
4. When it is appropriate to use a professional
«The intervention of a professional cannot be excluded - concludes the psychotherapist - but only if his malaise lasts for a long time and there is no improvement. In these cases it may be that behind a disappointment of love there are other deeper themes, and it may be useful to undertake a path of help ".
TAG:
- teens
- love
- disappointment love
