From the tragedies that end up on the pages of newspapers, to the small daily abuses, they are many women are subjected to violence by men.
We asked psychologist Anna Oliviero Ferraris how we can educate sons so that they become respectful adults and how to raise self-confident and body-friendly daughters.
Here are his tips.
In this article
- Lead by example
- Educating about feelings and emotions
- Give limits
- Restrict digital devices
- To intervene if a child hits a child
- Raising confident girls
- The role of the father
- Sex education for teenagers
1. First of all, the example of the family counts
"The home model is essential" explains the expert. "There are families, even with a normal appearance, where however the mother is mistreated by her husband. And in many cases, violence is mistaken for manhood.
Children who grow up in these settings develop similar patterns: males will feel justified in using violence and females will find it normal to be abused by their partners.
Read also: Domestic violence negatively impacts children
There are also backward situations where man is considered superior. In these environments there is a tendency to privilege the male child over the female: he is scolded less, he is allowed more. This obviously creates an unhealthy imbalance.
It is important that parents treat their children equally".
The podcast: how to recognize psychological violence?
Listen to Dr.ssa's podcast psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, President of the Pollicino Association and Onlus Parents Crisis Center on psychological violence:
2. Sentimental education to overcome negative emotions
Children experience very strong and often negative emotions, such as:
- anger,
- fear,
- shame.
Parents' task is to teach them to recognize and overcome them in a positive way.
"A child who does not learn to manage these feelings could become an insecure and abusive adult. Bullies are those children who have not been taught to react intelligently to anger." How does this sentimental education happen?
"A useful tool are stories. The classic fairy tales, in particular, indirectly show that there is always a peaceful solution to a problem that leads to a happy ending ".
Read also: Emotional education of children
3. Give limits but without humiliating
A child used to screams and humiliating phrases from the parent, he will in turn become an adult led to scream and humiliate others, or else it will seem normal that the relationship is based on violent discussions.
"It is right to give small rules and limits, to point out mistakes and mistakes, but you have to do it without screaming and without getting impulsive. For example, if the little one has left the room in a mess, do not scream:" you are the usual messy, look at that room, you always make me angry! "; but calmly say:" the room is still in disorder, let's see together how to put it back in place. From next time, however, you will have to do it yourself ".
Parents need to understand that having a child means bringing them up. It is a heavy commitment, but it only lasts a few years. And during this period you have to do everything to raise the little one in a balanced way, with clear rules and a firm attitude. But we must also help him overcome his temper tantrums and anger by empathizing with him and containing him and never lose your head ".
Read also: How to get children to obey without screaming (and why it's better)
4.Restrict digital devices
Absolutely to avoid digital devices to calm a child in the throes of strong emotions.
It is wrong to put the child in front of a tablet or smartphone to reassure him.
Read also: No to tablets and smartphones to calm the whims
Cartoons and video games I am the opposite of fairy tales: the solution to the problem is violence and not a positive gimmick.
Babies soak up the patterns they see on the screen. Furthermore, not only is the content often violent, but also where there is no explicit violence today's cartoons are characterized by very charged images, too fast: they excite and frighten the little ones with hyperstimulating results. That's why they should be limited as much as possible ".
And if you want a moment of relaxation, why not try the cartoons of our childhood, with slower images and watercolor colors, more suitable for the vision of children.
Read also: TV and children, instructions for use
20 PHOTOS
20 cartoons from the 80s to review with your children
go to the galleryWho among us hasn't cried watching Candy Candy and Peline, laughed with Spank, fought the villains alongside Daitarn and Jeeg, or cheered for Holly and Mila to win? It's cartoons ...
5. Take immediate action if a child hits a girl
It is one thing when a boy and a girl are playing in a "somewhat physical" way. The case is different if the blows are towards a child who has no intention of participating in this game.
In case it happens, it is necessary intervene immediately if the child is in the role of victim.
6. Raising confident girls
Self-confident women are unlikely to be subdued by violent men. "Insecurity can derive from two opposite situations experienced in childhood: mistreatment or overprotection.
If the first reason is obvious, the second is less. Banning anything because it is dangerous increases anxiety and insecurity. Children must be educated to be independent, only in this way can they grow up confidently and with good self-esteem ".
Read also: Children's self-esteem: 8 tips for raising strong and self-confident children
7. The fundamental role of the father
The attitude that the father has towards the daughter is very important for his growth. "We have seen that behind the great women of the past there has always been a good father figure, for example Maria Montessori and Levi Montalcini were greatly encouraged by their fathers.
Our identity depends on the reflection that others give of it. A father who values his daughter, with both aesthetic and intellectual appreciation, gives her strength: the child will feel appreciated by the male part of the family ".
And when she grows up she will probably look for relationships with men who really value her and avoid submissive situations.
Read also: Dad of daughters: things to know8. Sex education for adolescents
From the age of 12-13, males and females have a clearer separation due to the different hormonal development.
"It would be very helpful if sex education classes were held in all middle schools. Certain issues are difficult to address at home, which is why the role of the school is crucial. In the schools where parents have organized these courses, there are been excellent results. It is essential to teach today's kids about gender equality and the importance of respecting the body ".
Read also: Talking about sex to childrenTAG:
- violent children
- self-confident little girls
- 3-5 children years
