“What mothers don't say”, a different point of view on motherhood

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Marie-Ange Demory
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Reunion (unexpectedly) as a mother at 27. It happened to Chiara Cecilia Santamaria, who decided to accept the challenge because «I thought that" great "things happen in life - he tells us -. Sometimes big things are bad, other big things are beautiful. Despite all the difficulties, that was among the beautiful things ». Chiara then decided to open a blog to tell her experience of her (But what really?) And then to write a book "What mothers don't say" (Bur Rizzoli).



What was it like to be pregnant at 27?

Chiara Cecilia Santamaria



“It's ridiculous to say, but those 27 years felt like 18. I had just moved in and everything seemed precarious: my personal, sentimental and above all working situation. To confirm this, my co.co.pro was not renewed as soon as the belly appeared. Not bad: I opened the blog and never choice proved to be more correct ».

On a psychological level, however, it was tough: «I didn't feel ready to become a mother and after giving birth I struggled with baby blues and depression. The blog it was one relief valve and a great tool to also tell, as the title of the book says, “what mothers don't say”. It is important to recognize and address the different aspects and difficulties of a pregnancy: we are not all born ready to be a mother and the path that leads to madly loving one's child is not always linear and peaceful ».

So what is the solution to reconcile the dimension of mother and that of a woman?
«My recipe includes a fundamental basic ingredient: the awareness that reconciling these aspects is good, right and necessary. Fortunately, the 50s are long gone, for us women it is a right and a duty to take care of our different and multiple facets. We are mothers but also and first of all women. We are workers. We are friends. We are wives or companions. We are people with interests and passions. Cultivating and respecting ourselves also means offering our child a mother who is an interesting and dynamic person, who has measured herself with different things in the course of her life, and who has never used parenthood as an excuse to avoid putting herself in the wrong place. try and, ultimately, do not live ».



What were the most difficult aspects?

"The solitude: none of my friends were mothers (they are starting to have children now, 7 years after me) and I didn't find particularly good pre-birth or post-partum courses in my country, so suddenly I found myself completely isolated from the world , with this little girl who I didn't even know how to handle and who didn't sleep for months and months. I had to ask my mother for help in order not to go crazy, but also to go back to being "incorporated" into the nucleus of your family of origin, when you finally felt you had gained independence, it's not that good for your mental health. Also, I suffered a lot from the mono-definition that the world tries to stick on you once you have a baby: you are first "mom" and then everything else. No: you are a mother along with the rest, and that rest is very important. It is you, it is your identity, and you must not lose it for the world, much less allow others to insinuate that you should give it up. "

10 PHOTOS

Happier, less stressed mothers in 10 steps

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From the book 'The perfect mother does not exist' (by Kristine Carlson, Kowalski Editore), a handbook that will help you find balance and joy in the complicated role of mother and ...



Today women have begun to talk more freely about the more complex aspects of being mothers. What do you think about it?

“It's a Pandora's box that has been kept tightly sealed for years that has finally come uncovered. Is it a fashion to talk about it? Well: talk about it. The fashion will pass, but the feeling that we can finally be honest about the experience of motherhood I really hope it will stay ".

What do you recommend if the maternal instinct is a little late?

«To wait confidently and without feeling distorted mothers: sooner or later it arrives. Alas, you too will end up showing your child's photos on your cell phone to someone you've known for ten minutes. "

TAG:
  • maternity
  • women
  • psyche
  • reading
  • maternity books
  • books mom blogger
  • 1-2 children years
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