September, time of insertions and you go back to school. A difficult time for children, but also for parents, "especially if children resist and complain of imaginary discomfort, or throw tantrums, scream and cry" underlines, doctor and psychotherapist of the developmental age, and co-author together with the educational psychologist Barbara Tamborini of "I don't want to go to school!", manual for manage the anxiety of abandonment of children of 3 and 6 years.
Read also: How to manage inclusion in primary school, 7 tips from the experts
In this article
- Crisis is normal
- How to help children
- What not to do
Crisis is normal
"When you start a new path, you enter a new environment, you leave everything you know outside the door and this has a very strong impact on all of us, including children" underlines the expert.
«This is why we must help and support the little ones by always maintaining a calm and serene attitude. We must understand that this is a phase of transition and that what today is a change will soon become normal ”.
How to help children
- Don't be disheartened. A good way to face and overcome the fear of going to school is to communicate how many positive things the child will experience in there: he will meet new mates, he will learn new games, he will explore a bigger world full of beautiful things. "Never forget that kindergarten is a 'opportunity for growth for your child and try to convey this conviction to him too, without being disheartened if he tries to rebel or despair ».
- Invent special rituals. "Before any detachment, propose to your child images, games and rituals that help him strengthen his own safety and feel your closeness". It is mainly about rituals to do at home: «When you arrive at school, however, the child must feel a push to enter the classroom. Mum and dad are calm and smiling and hand their baby over to the teacher, without slowing down the process by multiplying kisses and hugs of greeting »comments the expert.
- Strengthen their autonomy. «The primary goal of kindergarten is to help children feel more and more capable of doing things on their own. In this process, the role of parents and grandparents is very important: they must be able to tune in with the implicit need for autonomy of children, avoiding reducing it or, worse still, ignoring it ». Therefore, avoid carrying the child in your arms to the classroom and let him try to dress and undress himself. In the evening, when the child comes home, show interest and appreciation for his work and listen to his stories carefully.
Things not to do if your child doesn't want to go to school
- Believing that the child will not be able to express their needs and that they will not be able to ask for what they want.
- Avoid worried looks at the moment of parting, or anxious recommendations such as "behave yourself"; better to say that we are happy because he will be well in school, have fun and learn many wonderful things.
- Make comparisons with other children, thus emphasizing his difficulties.
- Worrying excessively about what the child eats or does not eat at school.
- Being scared if they cry: it is normal for them to do so. Adults, on the other hand, must reassure them, if they are frightened they disorient the children.
- Criticize teachers or question their educational choices.
- Being disappointed if the children experience separation from their parents without too much sadness.
- Do not emphasize the grades or their performance, but help them understand that you also learn from mistakes and the school is made for this purpose. If we push on performance, it is easy for the child to have constant performative anxiety: and this will make separation and entry to school more and more complicated.
- Listening absently to children's stories and, at the same time, filling them with questions when they leave school. Be calm and smiling and shake his hand, then let them tell what they have experienced.
Questions and answers
What to do if the child does not want to go to school?
It is necessary to support the little ones always maintaining a calm and serene attitude. We must understand that this is a phase of transition and that what is a change today will soon become normal.
What should not be done if the child does not want to go to school?
Avoid worried looks at the moment of parting, or anxious recommendations such as "behave yourself"; better to say that we are happy because he will be well in school, have fun and learn many wonderful things.
TAG:
- children at school
- Primary School
- kindergarten
- nursery
- 1-2 children years
