From before our baby is born we ask ourselves: will i be able to be a good mother? Then when the child is born, the comparison with other mothers - ours in the first place - becomes more and more stringent. Doubts e fears that affect most women and not only for a personal matter, but also social: "We often run the risk of feeling guilty because we are unable to" be "a good mother, a" being "that too often is imbued with social standards of unreasonable perfection to the detriment of an image of a" negative "mother on the other hand, if accepted and welcomed, it helps the growth and the dimension of humanity in the family »explains Arianna Montagni, pedagogist, clinical pedagogist, family mediator from Riva del Garda.
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But what affects the image of a mother and how can you change your perspective? There are several points to consider: we have seen them together with the expert.
1) Overcoming the good / bad mother polarization
“The bad mother, who is usually there in fairy tales witch stepmother or the older half-sister, she is not accepted by our society. She is strongly criticized, thrown out. In short, it is something away from us: it is demonized to avoid identifying oneself ». Society allows us to contemplate a mother's tiredness and the fatigue of caring, «but we always tend to minimize this effort and the sense of inadequacy, the sense of loneliness that a mother experiences when she has to deal with her own aggression and her own destructive impulses».10 PHOTOS
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2) Accept aggression
Common sense, however, “prefers to believe and promote one reassuring culture of the good mother, a stereotype that speaks, on the one hand, of good education and loving care and, on the other, of external danger. L'aggression of the mother is always outside the family cell, one is created dichotomy between what is inside, which by stereotype seems to be only good and safe, and what is outside: the dangers of the road, of the unknown. But all this creates false securities and a 'expulsive education and demeaning that acts on two sides: the first creates and promotes “Mulino Bianco” families with the consequent inability to bear the frustration that will come from the inability to reach the stereotyped image; on the other hand, an external identification of the negative, the bad, the aggression takes place, creating a projective and repressive mechanism to the detriment of a more correct and real vision of the energies present within us ».
Accept aggression it would be instead preferable, because «it is a natural and inevitable emotion the more the relationship is intense and continuous. Aggression is inherent in every relationship as it is functional to self-improvement, growth and comparison. Only by accepting this aggression as natural can we defend ourselves from education that teaches us to repress and remove, deny and punish, creating a sense of guilt and fear with the ever-present risk of sudden destructive explosions ».
3) Take awareness
But what can be done to change this situation and to get better? "Fighting an educational culture that seeks to minimize, or worse, to build a bad mother taboo, also making use of professionals, For process emotions and conflicts that are lived within every human relationship, therefore also within the family ».
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4) Remain yourself
do not lose our "center"
good and bad mother
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