"Come on, say hello to Grandma. Give her a kiss we're leaving. " How often do you urge your children to kiss someone? "This is an illegitimate request, because it does not take into account the fact that the child is an individual with his own will and freedom in expressing his emotions" explains Daniela Callegari, pediatrician at the Santagostino Medical Center in our city.
To avoid misunderstandings, it is the parents' duty to give great importance to emotional education. «The child expresses his affection in an authentic way only if he can do it in his own time and in his ways. For this we must not be offended if he does not give us a kiss when we ask him, especially if he is small ».
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"Emotions, affectivity, the way in which we express ourselves affectively and in which we conduct our emotional ties express our most intimate, personal, authentic and therefore free part - emphasizes the doctor -. In children it is essential that parents cultivate and educate these aspects by teaching them empathy, the ability to understand others, tenderness and kindness as a style of behavior ".
A teaching that is given by example: «A child who receives attention and affection will be attentive and affectionate in turn. If he sees his parents hugging and being affectionate with friends and relatives, he will behave the same way. "
But also with reflection, asking them how they feel. "It is important for parents to use every possible opportunity to talk to their children about their feelings and emotions, asking them how they feel about affection or rejection they receive, but also how they think their friends, mother or child felt. dad when they behaved well or aggressively ».
«As adults, the first thing to do is to ask the question: where does this need to ask the child to distribute kisses and hugs come from? Perhaps we feel pushed by social impositions, by the desire to be considered good parents or by the desire to maintain good family relationships ».
Everyone can find different and personal answers: «the important thing is to recognize the reasons that lead us to this attitude and change it. Rather than forcing a child to kiss his grandmother, it is better to say, “Grandma would be very happy if you hug her or give her a kiss. When you feel like doing it, you are free to do it ”».
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Such an approach «allows each child to experience their emotions in a balanced way and to express themselves freely. On the other hand, obliging or even suggesting, almost imposing, gestures of affection is not educational and invades what is most intimate and personal about us: the authenticity of our affective expressions »concludes the pediatrician.
- children education
- 1-2 children years